The Difference Between Football in the North and South
WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES
Up North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their front pocket.
Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder,mascara (waterproof), and concealer. Walletnot necessary, that's what dates are for.
STADIUM SIZE
Up North: College football stadiums hold 20,000.
Down South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000.
FATHERS
Up North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvia Plath.
Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
ATTIRE
Up North: Male and female alike: woolly sweater or sweatshirt and jeans.
Down South: Male - press khakis, oxford shirt, cap with frat logo Female – Dresses in school colors and matching pearls.
ALUMNI
Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
Down South: Take prospects on fishing trip so they don't leavefor the NFL their senior year.
CAMPUS DECOR
Up North: Statues of founding fathers.
Down South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.
HOMECOMING QUEEN
Up North: Also a Physics Major
Down South: Also Miss USA.
HEROES
Up North: Mario Cuomo
Down South: Insert hero
GETTING TICKETS
Up North: 5 minutes before the game you walk into the ticketoffice on campus and still purchase tickets.
Down South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticketoffice on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.
PARKING
Up North: An hour before game time the University opens thecampus for game parking.
Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving onWednesday for the weekend festivities. The real faithful beginarriving on Tuesday.
GETTING TO THE STADIUM
Up North: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, youwalk right in with no line.
Down South: When your near it, you'll hear it. On game day, itbecomes the state's third largest city.
WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
Up North: Stands are less than half full.
Down South: 100,000 fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.
COMMENTARY (MALE)
Up North: "Nice Play."
Down South: $*#@% - tackle him and break his legs!!!
COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
Up North: "My, this is a violent sport."
Down South: $*#@% - tackle him and break his legs!!!
ANNOUNCERS
Up North: Paid.
Down South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fightsong, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
AFTER THE GAME
Up North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. Planning begins for next week's game.
SO TRUE! Football season is right around the corner, y'all!!!!